Olympic TV

I’d been managing to ignore the Olympics for some time, but now that Kevin is back home we have the TV on. Something to do with pretty girls in tight, shiny leotards, I suspect. However, NBC’s coverage is pretty underwhelming. We are unhappy because they seem to think that human interest stories and infodump features explaining things like where China is to their audience are more important than the actual sport. On talk radio, on the other hand, listeners are apparently complaining about the focus on non-American competitors just because they happen to be winning medals or something. In order to get a better insight into the views of talk radio listeners I spoke to my old friend Tuff Dimbaugh.

Tuff, as you can imagine, is incensed by the NBC coverage. In his view, showing foreign athletes beating Americans is tantamount to treason, and he is planning to sue NBC for their “unAmerican activities”. He also has plans for a rival sporting tournament that he believes will appeal more directly to the talk radio audience. It will be called the World Series of Olympic Sport. Here’s a quick run-down on how it will work:

  • The event will always take place in America to remove any time zone problems
  • It will happen every year so that people don’t forget about it
  • Only Americans will be allowed to compete; a medal table will be maintained by state
  • Because most of the athletes have poor name recognition, celebrities will be added to the mix; Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin will be replaced by Britney Spears and Paris Hilton
  • Boring sports, and those for which it is difficult to script the outcome in advance, will be replaced by more TV-friendly contests such as WWE wrestling
  • In sports that are dependent on awarding points the expert judges will be replaced by Simon Cowell and online voting by the audience
  • To make the event more family-friendly, new sports such as Barbecue Grilling and Car Polishing will be added
  • The event will be sponsored by McDonalds and winner will receive golden arches rather than gold medals

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