Most of you by now will have heard that a group of Really Real Fans have decided to set up some Really Real Awards that will be voted on by Really Real Fans. And the way that we’ll know if someone is a Really Real Fan or not is via a Trust system in which Really Real Fans can vouch for their friends and denounce their enemies. A lot of popcorn is getting eaten as a result.
It’s kind of sweet that people still believe that there are Really Real Fans who like the same sort of things that they do, and Fake Fans who don’t. Me, I’ve always been proud of being a Fake Fan. So to make sure that I will have a Trust Level approaching negative infinity, here are some of the reasons for which I have been told that I am “Not Part of Our Community”.
– Because I am a newbie who has not been raised in fannish culture.
– Because I am one of the Old White Men who need to be kicked out of fandom so that it can be a safe space for others.
– Because I am an SJW.
– Because I only pretend to support Social Justice.
– Because I am a woman.
– Because I am “really” a man.
– Because I haven’t read enough of the Classics.
– Because I don’t read enough YA.
– Because I distributed my fanzine electronically, thereby destroying fanzine fandom.
– Because I am one of the leaders of those horrible old fanzine fans.
– Because I attend the Masquerade at Worldcons.
– Because I attend the Business Meeting at Worldcons.
– Because I like sports.
– Because I don’t hate Americans.
– Because I am a filthy pro.
– Because authors all hate me.
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I’d like to state now that any Really Real Awards that allow me to vote are clearly not Really Really Real, and should be viewed with deep suspicion by all Really Real Fans. Do not be fooled by Fake Really Real Awards. Really Real Fans should only participate in Real Really Real Awards. Accept no substitutes. Or I may have to denounce you. OK?