Dear American readers, I am sorry to have to inform you that your very way of life is under threat. Foreign forces are attempting to undermine all that is good and wholesome about the American way of life. No, this is not another warning about reds under the bed, about the gay agenda, or about terrorism. The threat is much worse than that:
Conservative suburban families, the backbone of America, have turned to soccer in droves.
Alex Massie has the sorry details. Please do not be alarmed, people of America. Rest assure that your government is doing all that it can to protect you from this hideous foreign threat.