I wasn’t planning on saying anything about this year’s Hugo drama, but a conversation on Twitter on Thursday gave me an idea that I think will solve everyone’s problems. Kevin hasn’t had the chance to re-cast this into a proper constitutional amendment yet, but I think it should be self-explanatory.
It is noted that:
- In past years the WRONG people have often won Hugo Awards.
- Even more WRONG people have been nominated for Hugo Awards.
- That, despite repeated and vociferous demands from fandom, the Hugo Jury* has shamefully and persistently refused to rescind their decisions and correct these travesties of justice.
It is therefore resolved:
- To create a new category of Corrective Hugo Award
- Each year the nomination ballot shall include space for fans to nominate a year/category to be corrected, and a correct slate of nominations for that award
- The year/category featuring on the largest number of ballots shall be chosen for correction in that year
- Final nominees for the year/category to be corrected shall be decided in the usual way based on the ballots naming that year/category
- Categories for correction may be suggested for years in which they did not exist, or indeed have never existed, and nominees need not be eligible for that year/category, otherwise it would be NOT FAIR
- The chosen year/category shall go forward to the final ballot and be voted on as normal, including the option to vote for No Award
- If No Award wins the ballot, the results of that year/category will remain as per the historical record
- A win by No Award shall not preclude the year/category being submitted for correction in a later year. Corrections can and will continue to be made until the Hugo Jury gets the result right
- If someone other than the original winner of the year/category wins a Corrective Hugo then the original winner (the WRONG person) shall be required to return their Hugo trophy
- The return of the trophy must take place on a live webcast and shall be followed by the WRONG person being dropped from a Great Height into a vat of jello
- The WRONG person must also confess to being guilty of at least one of the following crimes against fandom (tick all that apply):
- Being a misogynist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, Christianist, monogamist and many other forms of -ist either forgotten or not yet invented bigot who shall be first up against the wall when the revolution comes
- Being a commie, pinko, liberal, tr*nny, f*ggot, Muslim feminist who will be enslaved, tortured, raped and shot when the Libertarian Utopia is established
- Being Not Part of Our Community
- Having too many fans
- Being someone that fandom has never heard of
- Being a Fake Fan or Fake Geek
- Preying on the sentimentality of fandom by dying or otherwise suffering misfortune
- Campaigning and ballot stuffing
- Being a member of the nefarious Hugo Jury that secretly fixes the results of the Hugos each year
- Actually reading books
- Liking sport
- The WRONG person shall agree to spend a month in Corrective Therapy in order to cure them of their WRONG ways
- The WRONG person may also be handed over to the appropriate authorities and charged with Witchcraft, Un-American Activities and Having Sex with a Teenage Pop Star
For the avoidance of doubt, and so as to not waste anyone’s time campaigning on the issue, the first Corrective Hugo shall be awarded for Best Fanzine in 2004.
* The Hugo Jury does not exist and never has existed. Nevertheless, so many people in fandom believe devoutly in its existence that, like Tinkerbell, it is actually real. Unfortunately, like certain other faith-based beings, the Hugo Jury is very bad at answering prayers. Consequently fans feel the need to resort to human sacrifice in order to ensure that their entreaties are heard.